Hold the Door
A weekly podcast about how underrepresented folks are surviving and thriving in the entertainment industry. Stay connected on Instagram @holdthedoorpod.
The views and opinions expressed are those of the host and guests alone.
Hold the Door
Rest Part 1 - The Basics with Koryn Frye-Fuentes
Welcome back to season 2 of Hold the Door!
This week, Koryn Frye-Fuentes joins the podcast to kick off season 2 by talking about the basics of rest within the context of working in the entertainment industry - what it means, how to start, and why it's important.
This is part 1 of a 3-episode series on rest that we'll return to throughout the season.
Hope you enjoy the conversation!
Make sure to subscribe to Hold the Door on your favorite listening platform. You can also get updates on guests, episode releases, and more by following the show on Instagram @holdthedoorpod.
Camille: The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the host and guests alone.
Koryn: the big question is, yeah, now what? Because society says keep going.
Camille: Yeah. And that's what we did
Koryn: and that's what we did.
And nothing is more disappointing when people say that they don't like naps.
I just feel like, who hurt you?
Camille: Koryn, thank you for being here. Welcome to the podcast.
Koryn: Oh my goodness. I am so honored, Camille. Thank you so much for having me here.
Camille: Of course. I am very excited to have you.
Camille: when I think of you, you're someone who I feel like seeks peace in every aspect of your life
mm-hmm.
In like a very intentional
Positive way. You're like, how can we have peace here?
Koryn: For sure. Thank you.
Camille: And I also just really trust everything that you say,
Koryn: I adore you
Camille: and so I think you are the perfect person to introduce us, me and the listeners, to really like a, have a baseline understanding and foundation of rest.
Yeah.
So before we get to that, we'll start with how did you get your start in the industry and was entertainment always the plan?
So honored to be here and to be on this, this podcast just living in your dream, which I can't wait to talk about.
Later on, and I'm gonna gush about you. But I will, I'll start with Yeah. My, my start in the entertainment industry was given by someone by the name of Cristina Hernandez.
Yes. Heard of her.
Koryn: Yes. Heard of her. Um, shout out to Cristina. Uh, she saw something in my background, which was mostly nonprofit education.
Um, not your traditional entertainment at all, but you know, as she was one of the members of the inaugural inclusion strategy team. Mm-hmm. At Netflix, she was looking for a coordinator on the team and because of her lens and like knowing about transferable skills and being intentional about looking for people from different backgrounds, people who didn't have access into the entertainment industry like myself, she saw something in my background and hired me on and I always shout her out because I think it's so important to shout out leaders who have that ability to see past traditional kind of trajectories and be able to really see like, okay, let me look at this skillset. Let me actually really peel back of like what I really need inside of this role and think more like, okay, actually I don't need someone who came from these specific companies.
The skillset that I'm looking for can be found in different ways.
Camille: Mm-hmm.
Koryn: And I'm really grateful for her and I'm grateful that I get to now coach leaders to kind of have that similar kind of mindset of like, actually what do you really need? Do you need someone from that company or do you need someone with this skillset?
So entertainment was actually never on my radar. Um, funny enough, growing up in la, literally, um, went to Culver High School, which is like right around the corner from like Sony Pictures. And always obviously like. Feeling close to Hollywood, but it also feeling a million miles away. Yeah. I never saw myself inside the entertainment industry.
I thought I was gonna be a lawyer in college. And then I met a lawyer and she was like, you don't wanna do this. It was my first. Ever meeting a lawyer. I know. I was like, shout out to her. Because as I was looking at law, I was considering like intellectual property. I was like maybe entertainment law.
Like that was my kind of first thought of entertainment. 'cause it felt, at least on the outside, I thought that I was gonna be this merger of like people and like law and I thought that's where I wanted to be. Until I met her and she was. A really prominent that not where you wanna be lawyer. She was like, yeah, girl.
Absolutely not. Like she asked me what two questions she asked me like, so what do you enjoy? Like what lights you up? And two? And I'm like, isn't that such a funny question to ask? Like also I was like 19 at the time.
Camille: I was just gonna ask how old you were.
Koryn: Yeah, I was 19. I was already taking like pre-law classes, like I was literally like prepping to go to law school.
Had joined a pre-law fraternity. Everything like I really thought. But this is why representation is so important. 'cause I had never met a black lawyer before. Like that's just nothing I had access to. And she was black, she was female. She was actually Kobe Bryant's lawyer at the time.
Camille: Oh wow.
Koryn: Yeah, she was such a big deal.
And she was like, you're a sweet girl. This ain't it. Like you care about. You wanna change things and like you care about social justice, like there are so many other fields you can get into and she's like, I'm really enforcing laws. I'm really enforcing, I'm really reading. It's a lot of upheld versus like changing in this particular field.
Mm-hmm. And I'm glad that she did because it took me down a route of like social services and government and ultimately some of the best jobs I've ever had. So really grateful for her and I think it makes my background in entertainment really eclectic. Like I think that it provides a different perspective inside of the room that I'm in now, so
Camille: For sure
Koryn: shout out to her for her honesty, honestly.
Camille: Wait, so she asked what lights you up?
Koryn: Oh yeah.
Camille: And then what was the second question?
Koryn: She asked me where do I see myself like in two years? Two years when you're 21. Yeah, she was like in two years. What? Like what are the things that you wanna keep like about your current life? Oh wow. And I was like, Ooh.
She was like, yeah, in law school, all of that's gonna. I was like, I just love that I can like really just do anything with my day. I really like the inter, I was like dilly dally. I love my dilly dally. I love like my community, like I love the fact that I could like advocate on campus and at the time I was like organizing a lot of like student activism.
I was like, that's really lighting me up. And she was like. Yeah, in two years, like you're gonna be locked in a basement, studying your butt off for hours and hours at a time, like reading da, da. And it honestly sounded like the worst possible thing. And she was so apologetic after she's like, I hope I didn't scare you off.
Camille: I didn't crush your dreams.
Koryn: Yeah, I hope I didn't crush you. I just wanted to give you like a realistic view of like this industry. And I'm really, I was really grateful for it. 'cause honestly, I had never met. Entertainment lawyer before, and like, just hearing her day to day, it honestly didn't sound exciting to me.
Like I really thought there would be more human interaction.
Camille: I also think like definitely that's amazing she said that and also the maturity you had at that age to be like, you know what
Koryn: I believe black women. Yeah. What'd you say, sister?
Sure thing. Believe ya.
Camille: Application canceled,
Koryn: nevermind
Camille: dropping outta this fraternity.
Koryn: Nevermind. And I got the best advice then from a college professor at the time at USC, professor Adela. And I was coming to him with my crisis of like, okay, now what? And he gave me the best advice, which was, hey. It was a lie when people told you that you have to plan your entire career right now.
That's a lie. Take it one job one year at a time, and that has been a renewing thought of mine every single year. I literally put in my calendar when I started that job and I ask myself every year like. Are you committing another year?
Mm.
And I got that advice, what now? Over 10 years ago, and it's still something that I do.
Do I still love this job? Is it still aligned with what I believe my integrity? Like am Is everything a part of me that I care about still intact? Mm. And am I headed in the right direction? And. If it's, yes, I continue on and I don't apply for other jobs or try to make no moves, but if it, you know, there has been moments where I'm like, nah, it actually doesn't, like Koryn, you need to really like start praying on this.
Like, you need to really check in. Yeah. Because you know that this part of your life, you can't just do anything. I've never been someone who like can just do
Camille: like, oh, it's just a job. It's just a job. Clock in, clock out.
Koryn: Yeah. No. Like it has to be connected to like purpose for me. Yeah. And like have to deeply care about what I do.
So. Because of that, I have to, I know that about myself and I know I need to check in. Yeah. Yeah.
Camille: Okay. So ready for your masterclass on rest.
Koryn: Let's get into it.
Camille: First we're gonna start with some stats.
Koryn: Mm-hmm.
Camille: In February of this year, 2025.
Just in case you know. People are listening later. Yes.
Forbes cited a study that said 66% of American employees are experiencing some sort of burnout. The rates are almost 20% higher for folks between the ages of 18 to 34. Being in that demographic yourself and also being in a role where you're supporting a lot of people in that demographic, how does that statistic sit with you?
Koryn: Hmm.
It's sad. Yeah. First, I think just sitting with me of like the oof, like folks are going through it. When I first read that, I was like, okay. So we're unwell and I don't think there's enough conversation.
Deep conversation about wellbeing. I think there's a lot of conversations about wellness and a lot of trends on wellness. Even, you know, I think the wellness industry has been very, it's been capitalized. Like, let's be clear, like this is too a form of productivity and feeling like you're never well enough.
Mm-hmm. But as far as like the depth of those conversations, both in the workplace and outside, I don't think that we're having those level of conversations, which I'm so grateful that you're creating this space for folks to really just take a second and think about themselves. So I think that is my intention with even like this conversation that it finds people in a place where they absolutely need it.
To actually take a look within themselves and ask themselves. Am I a part of that percentage? So that's something that came to mind when after feeling deeply sad and bothered, the next thought was like, am I a part of that? Am I,
Camille: am I okay?
Koryn: Am I okay? Like, okay. We're not okay. Okay. Are am I Okay? Yeah. And I can definitely, I can say that I am now.
I think last year I had my body tell me that I wasn't okay. Which took me to a very intentional journey, which I can't wait to get into with you all about, like the steps that I took to really check in with myself because there is nothing like your body telling you that you need rest. Yeah. Because that is its ultimate stress. Mm-hmm. You know, like sign for you Yeah. To lay down. Mm-hmm. And my hope and prayer is that even if this has found you in a, like folks in a state where like maybe their bodies have told them to lay down that, hey, it's okay. Let's listen to her and you are gonna get on the other side of that too.
Mm-hmm. As someone who like really needed to hear that during the time because I was like, oh, did I wait too late to understand rest? Right. Because it's such a trend and such, like this like thing that you have to get right of like around wellness and rest and being burned out kind of feels like once you're there, then what?
Right. And that's the deep conversation that I think. We should be having with each other and folks who are in this percentage, but also maybe feeling like they might be teetering. Mm-hmm. Okay. If I am feeling that way, what happens now? Yeah. Yeah. I'm in it, or I feel like I'm getting there now what?
Camille: So how do you define rest?
Koryn: Hmm. I define rest as our right. Ooh. I define it as something that you don't have to earn. Something that you don't have to prove. It is literally, you are entitled to it.
And that is something that is, I stand on because especially being a black woman, a Latino woman, I feel like generationally that has never been afforded to any other woman in my family. Mm mm-hmm. I am the first one that have uttered these words and like get that privilege of. Saying that, you know what I mean?
Yeah. Like at my age being, you know, not having kids, not being married, all of those things come with also this statement of like, yeah, and I deserve rest.
Mm-hmm.
And that feels like. Yeah, that feels really good to say. Yeah, and I feel like I defined it in a couple of ways. Like when I feel as though that I need that rest that I deserve, it can be physical, which that's how it's been showing up for me recently in the season.
I've been traveling a lot. Mm mm-hmm. So I've been really needing a lot of physical rest. And that looks like naps, like real clearly napping. I'm a nap queen. Oh, I love a good nap. Listen, get some cozy socks on me. You hit that ac. This is it. You hit that AC to about 67.
Camille: Oh, that's cold.
Koryn: Some people would call me a polar bear, but listen.
That body temperature needs to drop. Yeah. Agree. It has to go down. It's 67 especially 'cause it's summertime right now. Yep. You gotta drop it down. You're gonna get the best nap of your life, babe. You get a nice little cozy little blanket.
Camille: Weighted or no?
Koryn: Weighted always Okay. You have to weight. It needs to feel like a hug and nothing gets me more excited
and nothing is more disappointing when people say that they don't like naps.
I just feel like, who hurt you?
What happened? We were always meant to have naps. Yeah. Think about literally as a baby, like we took naps all day. Our bodies were growing. And the way that I see it now as like as an adult, my mental is being stretched. You know, I might physically be. Not growing anymore, but I'm still growing mentally.
Like my brain is expanding. I'm emotionally, I'm being stretched. This world is exhausting. Where is my intentional, like physical rest throughout my day? I think it also is like mental rest for me are like the two big ones in the season.
Mm-hmm.
Where I'll allow myself to daydream, like way more. Mm-hmm.
I used to daydream a lot as a kid, literally stargaze, looking back, I'm like, this girl was so emotional. Like looking back me as a kid just cracks me up. 'cause I vividly remember, like I would tell my grandma like I'm going outside, literally like seven. Like I'm going outside. I need a break and I would go outside.
I would lay on top of her car. Her Pontiac, yeah, exactly.
That's not where I thought you were going.
Literally lay on top of her car.
I love that image.
And stare up at the sky
that's so pure.
Seven years old. No one taught me that. That was like naturally what just came to me.
Yeah. You just knew what you needed.
I knew what I needed. I knew I needed to stare up at the sky and literally I would daydream. I would wander and. Be out there for hours, like just thinking, dreaming, and that to me, getting in touch with that side of myself, which I didn't remember for so long. Mm-hmm. Like I literally didn't have those memories back until maybe like the last five years.
Wow. I remember, I'm like, oh my God, I don't like wander anymore. Like I don't daydream. I don't just like imagine.
And I think that that's something that capitalism really robs us of.
And like being tired and being busy really robs us of Yeah. Um, is the ability to just. Dream up new realities and new spaces and just be, 'cause we're human beings and nobody's just being anymore. Everybody's just busy.
And yeah, like those are my, that's my definition of rest in this season. And those have been the ones that I've leaned into. But I think everyone, if you're trying to figure out like, well, what is mine? My tip and guide there would be like, oh, what?
What restores you, you know? And for some people it is that physical rest. For others it's maybe it's a creative outlet. For others, it may be, you know, spiritual. Maybe it's connecting to like God or like, you know, being that feels really bigger than you. For me, my faith is a big anchor and that that rest.
But finding what that might be for you is really the first step of like, what? What can what, what can I delight in? What do I enjoy? Nothing that I have to do, but something that really pours me up. For some people, it's community. Mm-hmm. For some people it is not community. It's like the opposite.
Camille: Get me away.
Koryn: Give me some silence. Right.
Camille: Which I, okay, so. I completely agree on finding what restores you.
Mm-hmm. And leaning into that. How, for people who are like, I don't even know where to start, what advice do you have?
Camille: Or actually we could like, break down maybe like the different types of rest. Yeah. First, and maybe try some things in these, see what hits.
Yeah. But yeah, where would you start? If it's like, I literally don't know how to rest.
Koryn: Well, I would definitely start with the things that, you know, drain you people, place and things
that drain you places AKA, like if they're maybe loud spaces, is just like very overwhelming for you.
It could be that you need a sensory rest. Right. Like that is a type of, of rest as well. And there's actually the seven types of rest was actually developed by Saundra Dalton-Smith, who's a physician and she has seven of them. So maybe we could just like go through those examples.
Yes. Right. Like, so there's physical and mental, I mentioned that already. Mm-hmm. Creative rest. That's when folks, you need a creative outlet. You need for me, I'm like trying to find. A hobby right now. Yeah. Outside of writing, which I enjoy and love, I want something a little bit more maybe like mindless.
Yeah, like coloring. Coloring, yeah. Yeah. Crochet. Yeah. Painting. So I'm just like trying out different ones to see which one I like. I've also been doing sketching. Um, yeah, like on YouTube there's a lot of like free sketch classes where they'll like, have you do old Disney characters or you can like, oh, that's fun.
Do like really fun stuff. It's hilarious. 'cause when I tell you these doodles are nuts, but it's like I'm also just allowing myself to be like bad at something. Yeah. Which is healing a part of me as well. Totally. Like be a student Koryn, upgrade those stick figures, girl. Yeah. Like you can do it so that that's a part of it.
There's also emotional, rest, social, sensory, which we were just talking about, and spiritual as well. Emotional and social are like really interesting, so like emotional rest. If you are someone who maybe is deeply empathetic, you are maybe feeling a lot of the things that are like happening in this world.
Yeah. Being able to take a step back and think, okay, how do I actually. Turn off maybe some of these things. Yeah. And noises for a bit. It might look like you stepping out of some of those relationships that feel like you're giving a lot of yourself just to take a step back and give yourself permission to rest.
Mm-hmm. And restore. And that can be hard, I think, especially in relationships with people that we love and feeling like they need us. Yeah, you have to be okay. And I'm talking to myself, they're like, I have to be okay. I had to learn how to be okay with yeah, they're gonna get what they need to. I am not the source of their strength.
I am. I'm not going to pull back and then their whole world be pulled apart. I almost had to like take some humility tea, baby.
Camille: I was gonna say that's a little bit of an ego check too sometimes.
Koryn: A hundred percent. Yeah. It's giving God complex sweetie, like mm-hmm. You are not someone's whole world. Yeah.
Like, yes, community is so important, but you can only be in community with folks when you have taken a look into yourself and you understand what you're bringing into that space. And I think that the most self-aware people know that it's not, that, it's not about self isolating when you need something from someone else.
It's like knowing when you need to actually be alone.
Because being a alone child, most of us don't know how to do it.
Camille: Right here.
Koryn: Yeah, a hundred percent. It's making sure you're okay being alone. You know what I mean? Yes. Like, we know it's this important balance of like, I can enjoy my own company.
Mm-hmm. I, that's possible. For me, the silence of my own thoughts is not terrifying to me. Yeah. Because I think I, I was definitely in a time where like busyness was my, was my medicine.
Mm-hmm.
Like, I was literally giving and treating busyness, like it was the thing that was going to heal me. So. Trying to really outrun that silence.
Yeah. And trying to outrun like my thoughts and what they were like, boom, I'm by myself.
Camille: Mm-hmm. And like if you're always busy and you're always productive. People can't argue about your worth. Like you can't argue about your worth. 'cause look what I'm, look at all the stuff I'm doing.
Koryn: Look, everything I'm doing.
Yeah. Like I'm so, I'm so busy. Mm-hmm. I'm so booked. I'm so busy. Oof. I remember when that was like my caption back in the day I really thought I was eating, uh, booked and busy. Now I am not trying to be booked and busy. I'm un unbook me. Yeah. Unbook me. De busy me. Like really? And I really want a frolic, like I truly want to.
Camille: That's a good word.
Koryn: Frolicking is so cute.
Koryn: Yeah. And it's in a genuine, like, I want more space for my mind to wander because I know, I know what my, my, my nine to five requires of me. Like I'm on this calendar, I'm on, you know, this Google Calendar lifestyle. Mm-hmm. Like I, I have this set of meetings and I know
Camille: no time to get from one to the next
Koryn: girl running through this, oh, excuse me, excuse me.
Running late . Okay. It's that, it's literally that Monday through Thursday for me. So I know I need to be really intentional rest wise, but like, no, I need time where like, I'm not. Scheduling things. Mm-hmm.
Koryn: And if I'm honest, if we're talking about specifically like that social rest, that required friends who understood that I didn't really like to be booked a month and two months in advance.
Mm. And this is spicy for friend groups. I know. We were like talking about this, right? Like friendships are like so complicated.
Yeah.
But I found that like when I was booking things out a month, two months in advance, I was no longer looking forward to hanging out with my friends. Mm-hmm. Because we had booked this dinner two months ago and now I don't wanna sit and eat and talk.
I kind of wanna color in my living room and kind of just sit and if you're down for that, come let's do that. Let's come over and let's color. Yeah.
Koryn: And my therapist gave me such a powerful reframing. She's like, you know, ask people, let's hold the date. But let's check in with ourselves that week to see what we actually need.
Like maybe it's not a dinner, maybe it is us going for a walk together. Maybe you need some sensory rest from screens or just being in loud crowds and you hold the time to be intentional with community, but you leave the activity so you can be spontaneous and do whatever your heart desires. And that freed me.
I don't know why I needed someone's permission to do that.
Camille: I like that. And I was feeling myself take offense to getting that response from a friend already. Mm-hmm.
Koryn: Didn't mean to at you, but Yeah.
Camille: Especially like last year, I remember my, especially my summer booked. Yeah. Every second booked, weekends gone.
Koryn: Child?
Camille: And so when I have a free one to be home. I was like, y'all, in two months, I have a free weekend. That's our weekend. And they were like, oh, we, oh, I don't know what I'm doing out that far. I said, yes you do. You're hanging out with me. Clearly.
Koryn: Put it in the calendar.
Camille: And so I was like, what is the resistance to book?
I'm like, you don't know what you're doing, so you're free.
Koryn: Clearly put it in the cal.
Camille: Yeah. And so it was like, you need to get on my busy schedule. 'cause that's when I'm free. So I think
come over here.
But holding the time is I think a really nice, like I would be fine with that. Mm-hmm. I'm like, I just wanna be around you.
I don't, what we do is when I can be there. Care. Yes. So like, hey,
Koryn: I think that's a great balance of like when you are in a really like just. Busier season. Yeah. How do you still, how are you so intentional with time and people who are genuinely, like I have a friend who is also in a long distance relationship like I am.
She is in three different cities at any given time, and I'm like, no, we actually need to put something on the calendar because for sure, because if we don't, we will legit not see each other. I think one time we went like three or four months and we're like. This is awful. Hello. Hold on. Hello. Like, wait a second girl.
I love you. Like we need to like get together. And it was so freeing too, like being in a relationship with someone who, you know, they know that's your intention, right? Yeah. Like, but you love the love is no less, but you also are both balancing these really busy lives. And she also knows that, like I have, I do have Saturdays where like some, or even Sundays sometimes where I is.
I put rest. Yeah. I don't allow myself to book anything. I allow myself to literally say no to people who I haven't seen, which hurts, honestly, this boundary, like it's hard to do. Yeah.
Koryn: And if you're trying to figure out, well, how do I do this? You have to put it as your priority. How do I do this? How do I start figuring out rest?
It has to be a priority for you. Uh, because we literally, it's counter-cultural. Yeah. Everything in culture is telling you to deprioritize this, everything about our lives right now says that there's something always that you need to be doing. And everything is like grind. Yeah. Even wellness is grind.
Yeah. Even working out is grinding. Why are, but we're not enjoying any of it. Yeah. And that is a life that you don't have to choose.
Koryn: And I think really meditating, I think the NAP Ministry is a really great page.
Camille: I was gonna ask,
Koryn: oh my gosh,
Camille: about that. If that was kind of like a foundational thing for you, or if you were kind of already on your way and like mm-hmm.
What that introduced.
Koryn: Let me tell you. So when my body told me last year, girl, if you don't sit down, I'm leaving you. Hmm? When my body
Camille: you said hold.
Okay, I'm listening. Okay, sorry?
Koryn: My body said, if you don't, if you don't listen to me, I'm leaving. And I said, listen girl, I'm so sorry, let's recommit. And I started on this journey and was recommended this book by several people and I ran from it.
I dunno why like one. Sitting down and reading a book. I'm not that girly, right? Like
Camille: I feel that
Koryn: I collect books.
Camille: I did that on audio
Koryn: Don't, a hundred percent audio book,
Camille: and I was running from it. As I was listening,
Koryn: I said I would take my headphones off and say, why is she yelling at me?
Camille: She's being so aggressive with me.
Koryn: So aggressive with me. I'm turning the volume down because you're yelling. But I finally stopped running for this book. I did audio, but I also have a physical copy. It's Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey. A phenomenal, phenomenal activist scholar, educator. And the whole premise of the book is around how rest is the greatest revolutionary act you could do, especially people from marginalized communities and how it is truly like.
A right of ours and how it is the only way that we will make it through white supremacy and capitalism working together, creating this growing culture for us. And how so many of our ancestors did not have that. Right. Um, where they did and it was stripped of them. Mm. And they didn't get to frolic and they didn't get to be because everything was about survival.
Yeah. And I think that in this context looks like a lot of things happening in our world that are horrific and awful. And at the same time, it is either going to leave us distraught, distracted, or just like completely demotivated to do anything. And I think that's the design. Mm. Right? Mm-hmm. Like the design of it is like, let's just keep them so overwhelmed.
That they don't, they're like completely just hemmed up. By it all. Mm-hmm.
Koryn: And that's how I was starting to feel mentally, that then showed up in my body. And my doctor was like, yeah, you're either gonna get your stress under control or it's gonna tell you. And I was like, yeah, no, we're not gonna have this conversation again.
You only gotta tell me one time.
Koryn: And that's when, you know, reading this book and really putting these practices into place, learning the word no as a full sentence, y'all.
Yeah. Ooh.
Mm-hmm. I let some people down. There were some birthday parties, some quinceaneras. There were some things I just couldn't go to.
Like I literally just had to say no. And I had to deal with people being disappointed in me, people wanting me to be there. Me feeling fomo. Yeah. Literally like, oh my God, am I gonna be forgotten? Oh my God. Like, totally. Are people gonna stop loving me 'cause I'm not Yeah. Always there
and stop inviting you.
Oh, am I gonna stop getting invited? Yeah. And for some people I did honestly, like, I'm not even gonna paint this picture. Like I lost friends, you know, in deciding and, and creating boundaries in my life. And you know, that sucks, but also what I gained, I feel like, like saved my life. Mm-hmm. So I just hold them both.
Yeah. I grieve those friendships, love those people, but I also really love that I was able to see the trajectory of where my life was headed and say no.
And like literally change that. And this book was awesome for that. So I, those would be the resources that I definitely recommend if you're like starting your, your journey and really trying to figure out how do I do this?
Saundra Dalton-Smith and Tricia Hersey are gonna be two really great resources for you.
Yeah, that's huge.
And I think the way that my personal rest.
Koryn: Evolution is is on the page I'm on is like, okay, I've really mastered this like one day a week where I say no to any plans and I just tap in with which, which kind of rest I need. But now I wanna find that every day.
I just had a conversation with my best friend. I'm like, I feel like I'm getting in that like living for the weekend moment. Mm. And I hate that for me. Yeah. Because the weekend's only two days. Yep. And I can't feel only alive for two days. Yeah. That's actually not well for me personally, because she's like, okay, like this week let's.
Let's find those moments during our week. So I'm personally, that's a rest that I am gonna work on this week is like, okay, you need to find these pockets every day. Yeah. It can't just be one day. And that's what I would encourage folks too, is like, don't beat yourself up. Give yourself grace. This is a marathon and you will in different phases and seasons of your life need new things.
So give yourself permission for that.
Camille: Yes.
We did kind of talk about mm-hmm.
Camille: This kind of like hinted but I think especially in a corporate setting, we know that rest can feel like.
Not our priority, not the goal. Like we literally talked about rushing from one meeting to the next. Yeah. And I know you know that a lot of times people will talk about how many meetings they have or how busy they are. Yeah. Or how much they worked over the weekend or worked late and wear like a badge of pride.
Yeah.
And so when that's kind of like the dominant culture, I think it's hard to come in and be like, well, I'm gonna take a nap. Or like, I'm gonna go outside for a minute 'cause I feel like I need it. Yeah. Even when people do it, I think a lot of times they hide it. Mm-hmm. And so, for you, especially being in a position where you're often, you kind of have a little bit of a bird's eye view where you're seeing a lot of pieces mm-hmm. At different levels and across the business. Mm-hmm. If that makes sense.
Koryn: It, it does.
Yeah.
Camille: For you, especially with that view mm-hmm. In what ways is rest actually a business imperative?
Koryn: Yeah. I think that rest is. From a business perspective, the only way that you're going to get the highest product out of people, and is this a traditional belief?
No, I think that. Traditionally you work work people, and that's how you get the highest form of productivity.
Mm-hmm.
But I do think when you have reached and when you have really high density talent density teams.
It's being able to really view it as a sports team. And especially like speaking from an HR and like talent perspective, my framework that I use with leaders is like, Hey, like your star players need to rest. Right? Like, you don't keep a LeBron in all game.
You don't. LeBron rests. Kobe would rest. Yeah. Coco rests, like there's always an intentional time in which even your greatest athletes rest. That's no different than here inside of our really high performing teams. And I think that there is, I think folks can see it.
They are looking for ways, but there isn't enough modeling to your point, and that doesn't give people at those more junior level roles in a company an opportunity to really be loud about the ways that they're trying to figure that out. Yeah. They're trying to figure out a way to sustain really great results.
They're delivering those really great results and they are like, how do I let folks know that I go outside to get some sun or like I go for a walk or in the morning on Tuesdays, I'm late because I just, I wanted to get in like a great Barry's class before I came in here. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like there are people who are really trying different things, but I, I would like to see
Koryn: More healthier workplace cultures where like folks can share those things, but being in a per, as a person in a position of power, like I say, when I'm taking a break mm-hmm. Like I'm very loud with my client groups about when I'm out of office.
Yeah.
I'm very loud. I'm like, yep, I'm out of pocket all next week.
Yes. Oh, what are you doing? Listen,
Camille: none of your business,
Koryn: I thought. Oh, some rest I do. Okay. I do, you know, and this,
Camille: that's nice. Yeah, that makes sense. That was a little mean.
Koryn: You know what's funny? I was literally talking about this with, with someone the other week. I was like being in a relationship type of business and being a private person, you really have to master the art of thinking about the things that you're willing to share and sharing those things.
But keeping yourself still, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. I want people to feel like they're getting to know me.
Yeah.
But also not too much because like pero you don't know me. You know
Camille: this still work.
Koryn: This is still work. And I still have boundaries. Yeah. So we often, especially like in this culture where like it just feels like everyone's just like sharing all of their business.
I still have very like strong boundaries of what I feel like I will share. So I will sometimes tell people the same story over and over. I'm shameless about it. And if they ever all get together like Koryn, told me the same story. She told you that story too. She said that same joke with you. I sure did.
Camille: It was a good one
Koryn: because it's a great one and I'm,
Camille: everyone had to hear,
Koryn: and I'm on tour, baby, I'm on tour, and it's the things that, it's my real life and I'm being authentic, but it's, it's the parts of me that I feel comfortable sharing and that's what I bring to this space.
So I would say it's the same thing about rest.
Camille: Also a form. I was gonna say that's a form of rest actually, too.
Koryn: Talk about it
Camille: like, this is for me, this, I'll allow you to see. Yes. But then I'm not leaving like, oh my gosh, I. And wide open to the world.
Koryn: Vulnerable,
Camille: yeah.
Oh my gosh. I've had moments where people will follow up on something and I'm like, Ooh, I forgot I told you about that. Now I gotta share this update on something I should have never shared in the first place.
Koryn: That I actually feel way too exposed about. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent.
Camille: It catch me off guard.
Koryn: Like, how do you know my business?
Yeah, a hundred percent. That's, I mean, that's a form of, of rest as well. You know what I mean? Like it's being able to know what do you, what are you prepared to give to this space?
Yeah. And starting from that place versus what does this space need. Okay. And that's on Toni. Okay, queen Toni,
Camille: and she'll be on later this season.
Koryn: Oh my gosh.
Camille: Talking about, guess what? Boundaries.
Koryn: Listen, because that quote changed my boundary game. Yeah. My work boundary game. No. Yeah. If you're listening to this episode.
Go ahead and hit your reminders. Make sure that you are gonna follow up with that Toni episode right when it drops, because Miss Queen Toni gave me that for work and my work boundary is completely shifted and you no longer look at it from a place of like, let me be everything that this needs. And instead I'm looking at a situation like, Hmm, what am I prepared to give?
What do I actually, let me start with me. Lemme start with what I have, what's uniquely positioned for this situation And that's how you get the best product.
Yeah.
Right? Like that's how you get the highest form of productivity is when you're not exhausted. Yeah. Doing everything.
Camille: Exactly. And also something that I've noticed personally when I take a risk or put a lot of effort and fail, or it just doesn't turn out how I want or it's not appreciated in the way that I want.
Koryn: Yeah.
Camille: If I don't have something for myself or I'm rest. I am devastated and I will not recover for months. It is like outsized impact on something that could have been like. Thank you for the feedback.
Koryn: Right.
Camille: Moving on, you know?
Koryn: Right.
Camille: Okay. Let me summarize the tips to what, find those pockets in your every day.
Koryn: Come on,
Camille: figure out what you're willing to give, especially in a work context.
Koryn: A hundred percent
Camille: ahead of time.
Koryn: Yes.
Camille: And then we also wanna give grace.
Koryn: Mm-hmm.
Camille: Because speaking for myself, this is challenging.
And then the two resources, rest is resistance. Yes. Tricia Hersey and then Saundra Dalton-Smith. Does she have a Ted Talk on this?
Koryn: You know, I wouldn't be surprised if she has videos, but she also has a book's called like Sacred Rest.
Camille: Okay. So look her up.
Koryn: Hundred percent.
Camille: Whatever you can get.
Koryn: A hundred percent. I'm sure she has some videos too.
Camille: Okay.
Koryn: Yeah.
Camille: Amazing. Thank you.
Camille: Okay. Final question that everyone gets this season. Yes. If you were currently in kindergarten Mm. What would you bring to show and tell?
Koryn: Listen, I'm bringing a guitar. Oh, I am. And I'm just gonna sting my little heart out. I'm sorry.
Camille: Acoustic? Electric?
Koryn: Acoustic. Come on. Okay. Real. Like classic. I'm gonna ask everyone to just stand up. I'm actually borrowing on what I did for third grade share show and tell actually.
Camille: Okay. I love this.
Koryn: That's exactly what I did.
Camille: Oh my gosh. I was like, this checks out. Honestly.
Koryn: Who did I think I was? That girl. Who do I still think I am? That girl. It's just
Camille: like this isn't show and tell. This is my concert.
Koryn: Welcome. You all have front row seats and no phones. Please. Private.
Camille: What did you play?
Koryn: I think I played like legitimately, lion King.
Camille: Wow.
Koryn: I literally, I think I was like, circle of life in it.
Camille: That's not an easy song
Koryn: in the circle of life, legit third grade, my teacher was shook. I literally told everyone to stand up and I would do it again in kindergarten. I should have done it earlier in my career. I'm,
Camille: I love that.
Koryn: I might have had a little soundtrack. I love kids pop. That was my jam back in the day. Do you remember that?
Camille: Of course,
Koryn: they would take every song and just like,
Camille: and make it weird.
Koryn: Hundred percent make it weird. Hundred percent, but I sure did have all the albums. Like adding to the list, I'd write down that number 1-800. Got it. Grandma order this. Thanks.
Camille: I love that. Oh my gosh.
Koryn: Yeah. We should all dance. That's the vibe we should for show and tell.
Camille: Form of rest.
Koryn: I like that.
Camille: Yeah,
Koryn: that's the list. That might be like one of my physical rest, like hobbies.
Camille: Yeah. Thank you so much for being here.
Koryn: Appreciate you so much
Camille: and sharing your knowledge.
Koryn: Appreciate you.
Camille: We're all better for it.
Koryn: Appreciate you. If you're listening to this, go take a nap
Camille: please. Goodnight.
Thanks for listening to my conversation with Koryn. If you want to keep up with her, you can find her social media accounts in the show notes. She also has a book of poems out called Growing Softer, which I highly recommend purchasing.
Please subscribe to the show anywhere you get your podcasts, and leave a review to let me know what you think. You can also get updates on guests, episode releases, and more by following the show on Instagram @holdthedoorpod.
I'll be back next week with an episode exploring “operating in your purpose.” See you then.
